Society Bitch
Soc Bitch is The Cheese Grater's infamous gossip column. We are desperate to hear about your club and society drama, the juicier the better. Spill the tea via email at humour@cheesegratermagazine.org or using our anonymous webform.
Soc Bitch: Issue 88, Autumn 2024
Welcome back, my dear gossip guzzlers. I know you’ve missed me, but I certainly haven’t missed you. It’s been a long summer and there’s plenty to...
Soc Bitch: Issue 87, Summer 2024
The Bitch-er Takes It All!My darling gossip gobblers, did you miss me? I suppose you haven’t seen me in print since my victory over the terrible ...
The Sun Shines on Small-Boat-Bashing UCL Tories
UCL and KCL Tory Socs announced a new “Port and Policy” event this week with the motions for debate being: “This house would invade Yemen” and “This ...
Booze, Boys, and Bastards
God EFS, I’m getting really bored of you lot now. I’ve honestly started to lose track of the amount of times I’ve griped about your gross incapabilit...
The Bitch is Back with a Bang!
Oh, you poor gossip deprived students. I bet you missed me. And with such a large break from when you last heard from me, we have a lot to recap....
What is it with all you horny, deviant sex pests?
Welcome to all of you enthusiastic freshers and commiserations to the depressed second and third years. It’s time for freshers' flu, STI’s, and fake ...
More than hearts were stolen this V-Day…
Valentine’s Day was a real treat for Soc bitch this year. Honestly, any V-Day would have been better than last year in which I tangoed with COVID, but...
Festive Goss
I’m not sure what grinds my gears more: the callousness of holding a series of parties in Downing Street during lockdown and laughing about ...
FFS EFS
Soc Bitch is in the foulest of moods, and it’s not just because she couldn’t book Mully’s for her annual Christmas gin-shindig. Unless you’ve been liv...
Soc Bitch on dodging balls and morals
If I asked you which Harry Potter book reminded you most of EFS, you might be tempted to say the Deathly Hallows. But, in light of recent events, I wo...
Soc Bitch: Freshers Edition
Well, well, well, if it isn’t your favourite drama queen back on campus. Unfortunately, I’ll also be joined by two years’ worth of freshers, but I sup...
Soc Bitch continues to school the Education Officer
Hey you cool cats and kittens – you better get your napkins ready because Soc Bitch is about to spill the tea. We were all pretty outraged by Ayman, t...
Education officer gets schooled by Soc Bitch
Last night, during a daily I-hate-my-life scroll through Instagram, Soc Bitch came upon a post that shocked her to her core!It seemed that Ayman, ...
Tamil Soc disaffiliated by fresher tip
Santa Claus is coming to town and believe me I hate all that festive joy crap. I promise I’m not going to whine about Bojo again. It just seems that S...
Homophobia is kinda spooky, I guess…
This Halloween, Soc Bitch has never been more spooked than by the Grinch Boris who wants to steal Christmas with another confusing lockdown. Thankfull...
Soc Bitch – Self Loathing Edition
Soc Bitch is pleased to report that The Cheese Grater has once again stirred enough shit to be able to bitch about itself again.Oh hallelujah! Chr...
Soc Bitch: Brexit Edition
What with this being a Brexit issue and all, you may have made the oh so-rash assumption that Soc Bitch would be taking a break from her almighty reig...
UCL Drama Soc brings Christmas (very) early
As UCL’s lesser fictional gossip-mongers are shutting up shop for Christmas merriment, Soc Bitch works late into the night to bring you great tidings ...
RUMS elders pass on their knowledge
Soc Bitch has awakened from her summer long daze, ready to share the most exciting of UCL’s intrigue and corridor whispers, this time from the lofty h...
UCL medics glass attendees at debauched sports ball
It is with a heavy heart that Soc Bitch must announce that RUMS Sports Teams are at it again.Pandemonium ensued at last night’s RUMS sports ball w...
AGMs in “the worst” shocker
It’s AGM season which means it’s time to make fun of jumped-up students who act like they’re hiring an international executive, not electing someone t...
And all that jazz
This month, Soc Bitch was distraught to learn of an attempt to trample on CG’s turf. In January, a group of students submitted a request to the Union ...
Is it really all over for Men’s Rugby?
Can it be true? UCL Men’s Rugby, long the bête noire of your fair columnist, has been disaffiliated from the Union. In June, the club was caught cha...
Men’s Rugby has been disaffiliated
It is with no small amount of schadenfreude that Soc Bitch can announce that UCL Men's Rugby has been disaffiliated from Students' Union UCL.It's ...
The show is over for Magic Society
UCL Magic Society has been disaffiliated from the union after a failure to conjure up enough card-carrying members spelled disaster for the group. The...
RUMS Boat Club does not have a problem with drinking and sexual harassment
Soc Bitch takes seriously her solemn responsibility to highlight the stupid, sexist, and unsavoury. Thus, it is with teary eyes that this month she ca...
Drama Soc’s Papaya gets Slashed
UCL Drama Soc left the Fringe with a bloody nose after The Scotsman, that most beloved of Scottish-radical-rags, deposited a steaming pile of spicy in...
Comedy of Errors: The Drama Soc Story
If you have a pulse and a Facebook account, you’re probably familiar with those giants of social media, UCLove and UCLoathe. For those still stuck in ...
Just some nonsense that happened during the UCU strike
Variety being the spice of life, Soc Bitch has this month directed her withering gaze towards the strike-related drama on the UCU picket lines. (Men’s...
UCL Men’s Rugby Encourage “Oriental Attire” For Tonight’s Chinese New Year Celebrations
Though their Hugh Hefner memorial back in October didn’t go to plan, Soc Bitch wishes Men’s Rugby all the luck in celebrating Chinese New Year tonight...
UCL Boat Club Plan Meeting to Solve The Patriarchy… No Women Invited
In the ongoing struggle against the old dog of misogyny, Soc Bitch has learned that two valiant young men from UCL Boat Club have decided that they, s...
In Last Sportsnite Of The Year: Medics Fight For Right to Vom
It is with a heavy heart that Soc Bitch must announce that RUMS Sports Teams are at it again.For the past several years, any innocent bystanders a...
Update On THAT Netball-Rugby Social
Soc Bitch’s most fevered groupies may recall earlier this week her article posted online about a planned joint social between UCL Netball and Men’s Ru...
UCL Netball & Rugby host Playboy memorial for Hugh Hefner
In honour of the death of his majesty and fabulous lord Hugh Hefner (their words, not mine), UCL Netball are putting their best foot forward and helpi...
Union Duels With Fencers
Readers Rejoice! Soc Bitch has news for the masses- The long unjust reign of Fencing Club is no more!The brave men and women in the Union and “Clu...
Soc Bitch: Issue 57, Spring 2017
Society Bitch must begin with a rare apology this week. Contrary to the last column, we have been told - repeatedly, neurotically – that Pi Media actu...
Soc Bitch: Issue 56, Spring 2017
After spending all of Dry January craving a drink, Society Bitch was devastated to learn that Culture Club seem to have forgotten all about their prom...
Soc Bitch: Issue 55, Winter 2016
Society Bitch has learnt that despite organising both the Winter Arts Festival AND the Variety Night, Drama Society couldn't find a single act worthy ...
Soc Bitch: Issue 54, Autumn 2016
Society Bitch suffered unprecedented heartbreak this week when it emerged that her beloved Cheese Grater Society had been infiltrated by a journalisti...