This guide has been designed to help you adjust quickly and comfortably to life in Reform’s Britain. While many aspects of daily living will feel familiar, you may notice a renewed emphasis on clarity, responsibility, and good old fashioned common sense. This is intentional. For some time, the country has suffered from unnecessary complexity, and this induction aims to remove confusion wherever possible and reduce unnecessary complexity.
You may have encountered suggestions that life here has changed dramatically. We would like to reassure you that this is not the case. Britain remains a free, fair, and tolerant nation. The only difference is that expectations are now less unnecessarily complex, standards are more consistent, and choices are easier to make correctly. Most residents adapt within days. And if not… Well. You don’t have to worry about that.
This guide will outline key principles, everyday practices, and simple steps you can take to avoid misunderstandings. It is not exhaustive, but it should answer most questions you are likely to have. If you are unsure at any point, you are encouraged to follow the guidance as closely as possible and trust that further clarification will be provided if necessary.
We are pleased to have you here. With cooperation and a positive attitude, you should find life in Reform’s Britain straightforward, orderly, and devoid of any unnecessary complexity.
1. Freedom and Expression of Speech
You may have heard a prevailing narrative that freedom and expression of speech no longer exists in our beautiful nation.
This is a blatant lie, spread by the Woke Mind Virus (more on that in a second), and you must not fall for this propaganda.
We would like to reassure every citizen that freedom of speech will always remain a number one priority in Reform’s Britain.
There are, however, topics we recommend avoiding in order to maximise comfort and safety for everyone throughout the nation.
These include (but are not limited to)
Immigrants
The ‘Black Lives Matter’ Movement
The “comedian” Rosie Jones
Pronouns (Reform’s Britain only recognises nouns and verbs)
LGBTQIA “people” and any rights they claim to have once had
Keir Starmer and any member of his delinquent “party”
Immigrants
Any negative speech towards the USA. They are our greatest Ally and Britain would not be the way it is without the work of Donald J Trump and JD Vance, two very respected officials in Britain.
The online social media platform ‘Tumblr’, and any content that may have been produced on there
2. The Woke Mind Virus (WMV)
Be rest assured that the last blue haired LGBT, pronoun having, antifa, oat latte wielding, feminist, pro Black Lives Matter, Chappell Roan loving, pro-Palestine woke nonsense alien has been banished from our shores. However, if you or a loved one do find yourselves a victim to the Woke Mind Virus (see this NHS page for more information, paid subscription required), we recommend reporting it immediately to your nearest Local Party Block Leader and following the recommended guidelines:
Having seven to eight pints of Stella: This is a good, no nonsense, proper British drink that is surely devoid of any unnecessary complexities. This is our recommended first step, as scientific evidence proves that pronouns wear off immediately after the fifth pint.
Jeremy Clarkson marathon: A great British icon, exposure to Jeremy Clarkson has been proved to reduce symptoms by up to seventy percent when applied during the first 24 hours of coming into contact with the WMV.
Eating 17 tins of Heinz Baked Beans: Unfortunately, this will cost your entire weekly salary, but it is a risk patriots are going to have to take. Heinz beans are the ultimate British staple; no one else in the world will go near them. This is only due to the sheer excessive British power of the baked bean and absolutely nothing else.
3. Media Consumption
Here at Reform, we would never dream of telling the normal, proper, good, hardworking British families what they can and cannot consume during their allocated two and a half hours of weekly free time. However, to reduce unnecessary complexities, we have produced the following table in order to encourage proper British ways of thinking in every aspect of our daily lives:
Recommended:
The entire Harry Potter franchise (excluding the film ‘The Secrets of Dumbledore’, due to its unsuitability for children in its portrayal of excessive homosexual behaviours)
Clarkson’s Farm (available on Prime)
Oasis, Morrissey, Phil Collins, Craig David, Ed Sheeran, the UK National Anthem and other related music
Benidorm (2007-2018)
1984 - George Orwell (a fantastic look into what life could look like when not under Reform)
Inappropriate:
Any novel by the following authors: Oscar Wilde, Bernardine Evaristo, Alan Hollinghurst, James Baldwin, Virginia Woolf
Netflix original Heartstopper
Kneecap, Pulp, David Bowie, Queen, Elton John, Sam Smith, Chappell Roan, Lady Ga Ga, Years and Years
Sherlock (BBC)
Any body of work associated with the ‘Heated Rivalry’ canon
Of course, these are all merely recommendations. You may wish to consume any type of content that you wish - so long that it is appropriate for the moral code and way of life upheld by Reform’s Britain.
If you are concerned about a loved one or member of the community engaging in such elicit activities, make an anonymous report to your Local Block Party Leader and the matter will be dealt with swiftly, and efficiently.
Here at Reform’s Britain, we want everyone to think exactly the same. Because this is the right way. This is the only way that society can flourish, and we can all achieve the goal of perfect harmony. Together.