The Time Machine

Humour / 10 February 2026

REVEALED: Bentham Park

A new dinosaur-themed Bentham theme park is set to open in anticipation of UCL200

Elgin Edison
Elgin Edison Resident Bentham Historian
Image via Mary Hinkley/UCL Imagestore

Image via Mary Hinkley/UCL Imagestore

Ah the Bentham Box. We all have core memories associated with that corpse behind glass. 

Well, what if I told you that corpse still had functional DNA? Science boffins from the UCL genetics lab have managed to extract Mr Bentham’s DNA and successfully create a clone, (a living clone!), of the man himself. 

“What would any self-respecting geneticist do with this potential?” I hear you ask. Why, create a score of Bentham clones and place them in a theme park open to the public, of course! 

Welcome to Bentham Park. 

Initially designed as an 18th century recreation of London, the theme park was re-designed following a mishap where Jeremy Bentham’s DNA merged with ancient reptile DNA in the genetics lab, creating Bentham-Dino combinations. 

As Bentham himself was a staunch advocate for animal rights, the Bentham-Dinos were given a new home in the park, and the project has been deemed a commercial success. There have only two human casualties occurring in the last month. 

I was very lucky to be able to spend time with the Benthams in Bentham Park. Here are some wise words from the clones themselves: 

Bronto-Bentham:

“Bentham park has been a privilege to be part of. I hope to work with my Bentham brethren to continue advocating for individual and economic freedoms.” 

Tyranno-Bentham: 

ROOOOARRRR 

Ptero-Bentham:

SCREEEEECH 

Stego-Bentham: 

ARRRRRGHH 

Human-Bentham:

“Ug.”