Last night, the government an- nounced that English schools will no longer be able to use materials from organisations which have articulated anti-capitalist views.
After nobly highlighting the need to preserve freedom of speech, Depart- ment of Education guidelines went on to suggest that all groups that have ever supported overthrowing capitalism should absolutely not be spoken about in any way whatsoever.
However, Tory politicians may have shot themselves in the feet. With a quick google search, and the fabrica-fabrica- tiontion discovery of previously unknown sources, The Cheese Grater has found key evidence to suggest that the Con- servative Party is in fact an anti-capital- ist organisation.
At a party conference in 2009, Dominic Cummings was recorded saying: “It’s not good…… the capital- ist system……”, while in 1981, Mar- garet Thatcher allegedly published a short poem including the line “The Free Market…..utter shit...I love… the miners”. *
Moreover, several damning photos of David Cameron have also emerged. In one particularly shocking snap, he was pictured relaxing at home wear- ing a red t-shirt with the phrase “Live, Laugh, Revolt” ironed onto the front.
This will mean that no resources (such as pamphlets, manifestos and speeches) associated with the Con- servative Party can be used for teach- ing in English schools. In fact, ‘public speaking’ after-school clubs around the country have reportedly already begun to substitute “We Will Fight Them on the Beaches” with iconic speech “My Name is Maximus” from Ridley Scott’s award-winning film Gladiator.
Of course, The Cheese Grater has suspected this kind of hypocrisy for years. After reaching out to Britain’s head teachers to ask what they made of the discovery, Mr Jones (West York- shire School for Girls) commented: “It simply shows that the Tories are un-fit to govern this country. First they couldn’t make their mind up on a Brex- it deal, and now they don’t even know if they support capitalism. If anything, I think this calls for socialist revolution – whether Boris will join us or not”.
*Full quotes have been shortened for clarity.