This Leadership Race… a hot new bombshell… enters the Quad…
In a shocking election result, a singular being, RON, has taken over leadership of 75% of UCL societies in the 2026 Leadership Race. RON, using his boyish charm and queer whimsy, managed to swoon the hearts of students and staff around UCL.
Students around campus have expressed mixed views on the ominous entity’s surprising insurrection. Local strangeman Simeon Normale gleans: “He just has a certain je ne sais quoi about him”, as he quickly stuffed a wad of £10 notes in his trouser pocket.
Last Friday, RON made his first public appearance at the SU’s “Meet the Candidates” event to win the hearts of the UCL electorate. In addition to RON’s 73-point manifesto and self-autobiography entitled “A RON-ourable Man”, RON added several “much needed” talking points to his campaign:
Clubbing baby seals
Swearing in front of your 80 year old nan
Sports Night to happen every night
Using the BT Tower to stare at women’s breasts
UCL Accom flooring to be replaced with piles of Lego
World Corruption
Saying mean things about gay people — not homophobic, just unpleasant
Jehovah’s Witnesses to be allowed to knock on UCL dorms
RON is also believed to have broken the record for the most committee positions held by one person, The Cheese Grater understands. Previous record-holder Daniel Partridge expressed disappointment and anger at RON’s usurpation of his long-held title. He has since united students against RON’s leadership in a group called “Students Against RON’s Societies (SARS)”, calling RON’s election “a plague upon the student body”.
The Cheese Grater contacted the Union for comment on who controlled the other 25% of leadership, however once we saw a mouse-like figure with red overalls and comically circular ears, we had our answer.