With Mother’s Day just around the corner, many of our readers have been asking us how they can make this yearly celebration just that little bit more spe- cial. After all, it can be hard showing your mother how uniquely wonderful she really is when 86% of women aged 40-44 in the United States of America have given birth at some stage in their lives (Pew Research Center analysis of U.S. Census Bureau data, 2018).
Some families choose to buy their mother flowers or chocolates, while others may organize an outing to the cinema, the park or a restaurant. But instead of taking your mother out for lunch to celebrate the tender way in which she calls you ‘a fucking spoilt little brat’, we at Female Magazine suggest a cheaper, artier and more thoughtful gesture: an Instagram post.
The process is simple: find an attrac- tive photo of your mother in her mid- 20s (ideally wearing a bikini, or perhaps some other tight-fitting outfit), put a filter on it (sepia works especially well), and then upload it to Instagram with a brief caption thanking her for giving birth to you.
This token of your appreciation will take no more than 5 minutes, have ab- solutely no affect on your relationship with your mother (who doesn’t have Instagram and still doesn’t understand how social media works) , and, most importantly, will somehow highlight your own attractiveness by showcasing how lovely your mother’s figure was before she pushed your miserable body out of her vagina. If this post-Freud- ian, egotistical quest for sexual valida- tion doesn’t grab the attention of boys on Instagram, we don’t know what will!