The Time Machine

Satire / 15 February 2018

Old Feature: Men Talk!

A male actress gives his view on sexual harassment in Hollywood.

Anonymous

A young Los Angeles-based actor, Lorenzo Johnson, has decided to have his entirely necessary say on the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements.

The movements, with their focus on revealing and combating sexual misconduct in Hollywood, have received widespread support. Johnson, a self-titled ‘up and coming actor’ and ‘America’s Sweetheart’, takes issue with that.

“We, the men of Hollywood, have been accused of not being active enough in supporting the admirable ladies of Hollywood,” he said in a press release.

“I for one am frankly appalled by the inactivity of us, the men of Hollywood. I’ve been doing some self-reflection, spending long nights looking into the mirror, and have even tried thinking. I’ve come to the conclusion that we, the men of Hollywood, are committed to standing besides, or even slightly behind, the good women of Hollywood.”

Johnson, 26, made his debut on the CW program Charm of the Law, in which he plays a young war-veteran-turned-jaded-cop- turned-lawyer who has to balance his busy professional life as a Supreme Court Justice alongside his night job as a crime-fighting street vigilante, whilst also balancing his commitments to his daughter and his ex-wife, a supermodel turned forensic scientist, all the while maintaining a subtle womanizing undertone. The television show is now on its fifteenth season. Johnson is also starring in new feature film I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues as the boyfriend of a college student who has an affair with her stepfather. Johnson says he is “excited and humbled to be working with Woody Allen, one of my all- time heroes and all-round great guy.”

After “sustained meditation” Johnson is apparently planning a protest by way of a ‘bed in’ to fight against sexual misconduct and misogyny in Hollywood.

“I will be spending as much time as possible in bed to protest against sexism and sexual abuse in Hollywood. I’m always so inspired when I think about the bed-in John Lennon and his wife did back in the 60s. He’s an all-time hero of mine and was just such an all-round great guy” said Johnson. “I invite other leaders of this great movement, such as Margot Robbie and Emma Stone, to join me in bed to fight against powerful men taking advantage of women for their own sexual ends,” he continued. When asked to comment on Johnson’s declarations, #TimesUp activist Emma Stone replied, “….who?” Fellow activist Tom Hanks has said that neither he nor “any other human being in Hollywood are in any way affiliated with this man, and do not support his activism in any way, shape or form.”

Woody Allen declined to comment.