Got a hunch that your sweetheart has lost that lovin’ feeling? Could they be sleeping around behind your back? Check out The Cheese Grater’s top five telltale signs of infidelity!
1. He cannot discern a wanton ox among a flock of sheep.
Has he been acting aloof recently? Maybe he's stopped replying to your text messages? Maybe he doesn’t get excited about your late night Skype calls anymore? Maybe he didn't spot the wandering ox in your flock of sheep? Here’s a hint, sugar: it’s time to dump that cheating Charlie!
2. A lone wolf musters forth a barbarous yawp at dawn’s break.
We get it, we get it. No one wants to play the blame game in a relationship. But a hounds yarl at dawn is a definite sign that he’s up to 70 good.
3. He won’t bury himself next to you anymore.
Not much else this could mean. Reality check: he’s totally cheating on you!
4. A Pair of devilish horns sprout from atop his fore’ed on the lunar cycle’s first kalend.
Hold up, hold up. Let’s think about this for a second. So maybe you haven't caught him red handed. But if he bears the mark of Beelzebub, you might want to think about checking his text messages. Something is definitely awry.
5. Twelve grass squares in the courtyard be, within each one an apple seed.
He says it was just a bit of innocent flirting, but the omens in the courtyard tell a different story.