Hi, I’m Caitlin Moran. After the success of my ‘How to …’ books I thought I’d give you some tips on how to emulate me, your hero.
• Stand on a chair and shout “I’m a feminist! But also a really cool self-made music journalist, author and columnist!”
• Fuck the patriarchy by wearing a dress, but with combat boots. Flowery combat boots.
• Break the glass ceiling, but make sure to let the shards of glass penetrate deep into the eyes of women who don’t look and think exactly like you.
• Remember that there’s not much in life that a cup of tea and a bath can’t cure, if the only problem you ever have is cystitis.
• When people accuse you of being exclusionary remember that you are Queen of the Feminists and that you literally don’t give a shit.