I nicked a pen off some mug at Euston and I secured some bog roll and glossy student mag to scribble on, so I’ve used me thinkpan to share what I opine about the lights on the big screen. After stashing some Skollies Supers in me briefs, I went up the cinema, like you do.
“BOY IT’S TOASTY IN ERE” I shouted unexpectedly, slathering a nearby child in bloody phlegms. They were on to me like my old dog Boner was on the rats. You know, the fun size ones.
“Excuse me, sir, are you drunk?” they say “NAAAAAAHHHHH” I say, smashing a can to the floor.
I shout at the bastards to get me a slush dog with me floor popcorn. Twats dis- tracted, I broke inna screen 1.
Pictures nummer 1: Inherstella
A big smooth-man’s face appeared on the screen - “JESUS CHRIST, HE’S A BIG-UN!”
I trot to the front, for the views and the lights yanno, and sits me arse down. Now of what I can tell, the film was like space and I dunno bloody 9th dimensional su- per space though and LOADSA talking. I remember some bollocks about smooth- man’s daughter being his nan before I hit the floor an chewed on the carpet.
Nummer 2: Happy Robotman
After that bloody palava, I shunned the old picturehouse for a bit, telling me fel- lows about the movies, an a mate of mine’s like “Come see this new one, it’s like robot copper or summat”.
I fucking love Robocop I says and we take a stoll downa fire exit and sneak in, all tip toes and shit.
My mate was talking outta his arse though, I wanted Robertcop an I got a layabout on a chair, chasing kids and get- ting gals to take his clothes off for him. What a lazy bastard. After a bit I pissed on the seats and pissed off.
Nummer 3: Inherent Spice
Fuck’s sake I fell asleep inna cinema again. Woke up to some tosser whispering about how great Clive Marten thought this film was. Pretty sure that’s the gee- zer used to sell me bootleg vhs in the pub back before my ex-wife kicked off about the drinking, so I perked up cos he used to have a pretty nice selection of tapes.
Thought it was shit, left after 20 min- utes. Paul Thomas Anderson disappoints again.