The Time Machine

Satire / 1 January 2014

Societies Bulletin Board

Anonymous

Society Name: UCLU Supporters of Impressively High Top-up Fees at University College (S.I.H.T.F.U.C.)

Tag Line: Can’t pay? Tough

History: Formed out of the ashes of F.E.D.U.P (Free Education Defenders are Usually Poor)

What We Do: Join S.I.H.T.F.U.C. and become a S.H.I.T.F.U.C.K.er! Lib-Dem bashing. Donating money to Malcolm Grant.

Membership Numbers: Exclusively Low

Society Name: P.E.N.I.S. (Palestine Extermination Now! Israeli Society)

Tag Line: Israeli settlements: are you a Grower or a Shoah?

History: A.D. 70 and the Arabs literally STOLE our land.

What We Do: Bomb UN schools. All sorts of shit, and we definitely don’t do war crimes.

Membership Numbers: See the related files from Mossad.

Society Name: S.T.A.S.I. (Support The Army Slaughtering Iraqis)

Tag Line: Schild und Schwert der Partei (SA80 and Desert fatigues of the party)

History: Our boys are the best soldiers in the world etc. etc. etc.

What We Do: Read The Sun, send text messages to the troops, sit around, watch X Factor, counterintelligence.

Membership Numbers: More than one in ten (occasional informants)

Society Name: UCLU Albanian Society

Tag Line: Ti, Shqipëri, më jep nder, mëjep emrin Shqiptar

History: Brief, only became independent in 1912.

What We Do: Support the interests of (the) Albanian(s) at UCL.

Membership Numbers: One