Following recent controversies over the Atheist Society at LSE, the UCL Athe- ist, Secularist and Humanist Society an- nounced this week that it would be lob- bying the University and Union for £1.2 million to construct a 150ft tall “Secular Centre” on Gower Street.
The proposed centre would be built over the area currently occupied by the Slade School of Fine Art, which ASHS has justified because “modern art is just worthy, preten- tious shit. Instead of graduate art shows, visi- tors will be able to browse a library of curated blog posts criticising religion, and all the tweets of our wise teachers Richard Dawkins and Lawrence Krauss.” The development would feature a pulpit from which speakers could preach to the congregation of enlightened and rational thinkers; decorations would include stained-glass windows with crude depictions of the Prophet Mohammed, Jesus and Bud- dha, and a font filled with self-satisfied hot air.
“It’s really essential that we show that UCL is an environment where no zealotry can be tolerated,” explained one ASHS student, “which is why I believe no religion of any kind should be able to express its views without suffering my condescension and petty insults. Obviously, anyone who disagrees with this is just trying to oppress my right to free speech, and I for one will not be trodden on!”
Planning has already begun for exhibi- tions to be held in this new space. The first of these will be ‘Misandry Through The Ages: How feminists have oppressed men in every epoch of history’, followed by two CompSci students’ vision of how advanced the world would be if scientific progress hadn’t been sup- pressed by the onslaught of Christian bigotry.
Those atheist students who have ques- tioned the planned build as “a ridiculous ex- tension of the provocative and childish strain within atheism which discredits the whole movement” have been decried as heretics and burned by fallacies, sophistic arguments and bellowed defences that leave no room for sen- sible responses.
Rumours that the planned build will contain a sandpit in which members of the congregation can bury their heads to hide from debate are as yet unconfirmed.