The Time Machine

Satire / 1 November 2013

BREAKING NEWS: MAN KILLS OTHER MAN

Statistical Inevitablity Cccurs; Some People Feel Some Feelings

Anonymous

It has emerged that a member of the human race has been charged with the attacking and killing of another member of the same species. The victim, a con- firmed person, was apparently “not be- ing murdered” prior to the murder. The incident occurred near a person’s house, which is located on a street. Witnesses have claimed that the attack began after “various things happened involving the two men” and that they experienced “a range of emotions” whilst it happened. It has also been suggested by somewhat relevant sources that various elements of language were employed by the two men as they performed a number of actions.

A prominent figure in society has de- cried this action, confidently claiming that the murderer “broke the [law]” and that “measures of some kind” may or may not be taken against unspecified people. Relevant actions may well be per- formed in the future regarding this case.