UCL Provost Professor Michael Ar- thur announced that Prince George of Cambridge has been offered a place to study History of Art at UCL. The revelation was the central theme of a nine-hour ex tempore speech given by Professor Arthur while sat naked atop a Koptos Lion outside his office. No-one was present for the entire time, and as such only fragments of his announce- ment are available to us.
Several witnesses record him saying that “the child saviour shall come and his benediction shall rain down upon the impurities and filth of this foetid place”, and later a caretaker heard him postulating that “upon his graduation, he shall ascend into his terrible highness, and his might shall judge all of us, and the End Of Days will scream from the heavens”. As the sun began to rise, he was found comatose, but remains stable in St Mary’s Hospital.
St. James’s Palace has not said if Prince George will accept the place at UCL, but Professor Arthur’s PA told The Cheese Grater that they were “optimistic” about him deciding to study here.
Several interesting cults have sprung up from differing interpretations of the new Provost’s sayings. There have been violent disagreements in the cloisters, with several heretics slain for sacrile- gious teachings of the true meaning of the Provost’s Fourth Parable of the Lion of Albion.