—I told everybody in freshers’ week that I am 6’6”. I’m only 5’8” but I have to go along with the lie now.
—I crossed Euston Road not when the little man in the light was solid green, but when he was all blinky.
—I booted my hallmate’s omelette over a wall because someone double dared me.
—I post anonymously on student confessions websites to validate my morally reprehensible behaviour.
—l can’t read.
—I DROPPED A LUMP OF PEA- NUT BUTTER ON MY CAP- SLOCK KEY.
—I used to be a baby.
—Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I enjoyed Skyfall so much that when James Bond was doing that thing to that lady, I thought it were me.
—I have just caused 700 people to lose their homes.
—Yeah, I’ve got a confession alright! I’ve never told anyone this but I bloody love socks! They keep your feet clean and warm. They come in colours like red and blue. My mother buys them for me, and herself. I love my mum but not as much as I love socks. Socks can become puppets. When I’m really bored, I talk to my sock puppets. So come on world, when is this love of mine going to catch on?
—I write articles to fill space in stu- dent magazines at the expense of my junior writers.