Thousands of Africans have been pro- testing in the streets of Africa demanding African jobs for African people. They’ve been angered by an influx of migrant work- ers from privileged areas of London and the home counties seeking bullshit to put on their personal statements and show off about during freshers’ week.
Joshua, a recently sacked Angolan man, told us his story. “I used to work at the lo- cal Turtle Sanctuary, but couldn’t compete with unskilled gap year students who’d not only work for free but would actually pay for the ‘enriching cultural experience’! I lost my job to a spotty teen called Hugo, who had no previous experience in turtle domi- nation or even had basic turtle recall skills. Now the turtles are no longer properly pro- tected from poachers and I have no money to feed my family. It’s so sad.” He said, tuck- ing into a large turtle salad.
Gap year students themselves however, remain blissfully unaware of the discontent they’re sowing. Bedfordshire-born Jennifer decided to spend her year off in the Demo- cratic Republic of Congo. “I came to the Congo looking for Joseph Kony, and when I found him he gave me a job! Well, more like an unpaid internship – similar to the ones they offer at HSBC.” She describes her role in Kony’s militia as ‘team motivator’. “Militia work can be tough. So I’m here to instil a bit of fun and energy into the organ- isation. Whooo! Let’s go guys!” Suddenly Jennifer produces a stereo playing ‘Call Me Maybe’ and begins dancing around the camp, to which three Ugandans start sharp- ening their machetes.
Some young Londoners are critical of their fellow countrymen. “It’s a lot of money to work in Africa. You don’t have to travel all that way just to help a deprived community with different a culture or language. Next summer I’m working in a Wetherspoons in Glasgow. I can’t wait.”