UCL Provost Professor Malcolm Grant is attempting to cash in on Christmas cheer by adorning the UCL website with a lot of yuletide tat.
The site now features a “.gif” animation of Grant shaking his belly like a bowl full of jelly, as well as an invitation to join the jolly old Provost in his annual carolling through the Ampthill Estate.
Gone are the UCL homepage links to studying and working at the university, replaced with a checklist of 10 ways to make your coursework more festive, including “printing on green shiny wrapping paper”, and “baking your dissertation into a traditional Christmas cake”. As a nod to inclusivity, the words “Chanukah”, “Eid”, and “Festivus” are listed at the bottom of the page.
The Provost will be hosting a grotto in his office and has been seen receiving large-volume deliveries of goose fat in the cloisters. Those staying over Christmas will find him wassailing in the corridors of halls, fired up on eggnog and demanding milk and cookies.
Following intense negotiations, this year’s Santa’s Grotto will be moved from South Cloisters – instead, the Provost will be inviting students to his office to sit on his greasy knees.
Jeremy Bentham will take centre- stage in a multi-faith nativity pageant: dressed as Moses he will welcome three incarnations of the Buddha as they bring gold, frankincense and a photo of Cliff Richard in tribute to the new-born god Vishnu.