As part of Provost Malcolm Grant’s “Bloomsbury Masterplan”, work will soon begin on entirely removing the historical dome that sits atop UCL’s Portico. The feature will be demolished to put an end to professors and students alike being held up for lectures and meetings by the allure of a mighty green teat.
“I always thought it looked like a booby,” giggled a student, “I suppose I’ll have to go back to downloading masses of porn through eduroam when it’s gone!”
UCLU “Rachel Eyre Welfare” Welfare Officer was delighted with the plans, commenting “From a welfare perspective, speaking as welfare officer, the presence of an enormous funbag looming over the quad might upset and intimidate students. This could ultimately be damaging in terms of welfare.”
“Students of the Amazon” Society were also in support, saying “The Portico is yet another of our noble sisters to sacrifice a breast for the greater good; tit for tat.”
Not all student groups were pleased by the announcement, however. iSoc spokesperson Jawad Farouk commented: “We’ve managed to convince the man upstairs that the Portico dome and the BT tower are parts of a mosque we promised him we’d build. If Grant carries on with these plans, we could get majorly rumbled!”
Democracy and Communications Officer James Skuse struck a wistful note: “When I was but a powerless underling, I would look up at the dome and think ‘Maybe it is possible for a giant, useless boob to look important!’”