Scottish buffoon Sean Con- nery has insisted the statue of Robert Stevenson outside Euston Station is, in fact, a sculpture of him. Vain, tax-dodging tosser Connery marched up and down a small table shouting: “ah made that statue with me bare hands laddie! Its ah statue o’ me!”
Connery played bagpipes and told passers by, ‘stop look- ing at mae statue!’ and ‘yer not allowed to look at it!’
“He’s a mad old Scottish wanker,” said a witness.
News of this outburst comes two weeks after the Scot went berserk at a charity gala and attacked the Lord Mayor with a frozen potato. When questioned, mad and stupid Connery kicked The Cheese Grater’s man-on- the-scene, ‘och, yer in me hoos!’ shouted Connery, “get yer own hoos!”
“He said we were in his house,” translated a Scottish lan- guage student.
Connery has not been tak- en seriously since attempting an Irish accent in The Untouchables. Director Brian De Palma told The Cheese Grater, “It is a terrible Irish accent, he sounds like Lloyd Grossman.” De Palma later add- ed, “The man is a leather arse.”
Defending Connery, syco- phantic Thunderball lover Ned said “we should respect him. Sean Connery is the first black Scottish actor, and he’s a war hero. Also, he was in the first film ever made, A French Aristocrat Puts His Pan- taloons On. It was made, like, two hundred years ago.”
Back in Scotland, the King was overheard saying to his mum “Connery’s all we’ve got. The Loch-Ness monster is our biggest tourist attraction and he’s just a smug, chubby prawn.”
“I wish Connery was dead”, said an expert