Ed Miliband’s newly re- vealed plans to reduce univer- sity tuition fees from £9000 to £6000 a year add weight to the popular theory that the Labour party is roughly 67% as evil as the current Coalition govern- ment.
Inside sources at the Green Party HQ tell us that the party, not to be outdone on public be- nevolence, will be announcing their plans to offer the “Rolling in Green” tuition fee package at a pound-stretching £5999.95.
This comes as a response to the indications from some polls that since 2010 Labour’s evilness may have risen as high as 73% of the Coalition, equating to 94% of the evilness of the Conservative Party, or 94 Beel- zebubs (Bb).
“The La- bour party in- sists” said Andy Burnham, Shad- ow Minister for Education, “that it maintains and has always main- tained a net tur- pitude of under 75 Bb.”
Ed the Honorable told fellow Labour MPs during this week’s confer- ence: “Our years of political experience have prepared us for this decision. The strategy is complex, but I’ll try to explain it slowly. We are sure to be elected in 2015 because we have reduced the tuition fee cap and so we will get the student votes that would previously have gone to the Lib Dems. Do you get it now?”