Attenborough: This... is the UCL Bloomsbury Theatre. I’m crouching behind one of these crates of orange Reef outside the bar, and trying to keep quiet, because I don’t want to disturb the very, very rare creatures who, eve- ry year, make this place their home.
And here they come. Here, in the heart of thousands of ordinary peo- ple, live a tiny offshoot of the species, known as the ‘student politicians’. And within this group lives an even small- er pack. These are the extremely rare breed of student politician who, every year, perform the arcane ritual called an ‘Annual General Meeting’.
And there’s another one! That’s two so far.
It seems that the sheer smallness of this sub-species, whose only physi- cal characteristic is a small, flat, rec- tangular pink appendage to the hand, is down to natural selection. These creatures are simply incapable of adapt- ing to the pressures of life outside in the open. And so, they take shelter in familiar, protective surroundings, such as this dark, musty theatre, or in the spaces between the lever arch files in the minutes archive on the fourth floor of 25 Gordon Street. And now, I’ll be very quiet, because I think one of the dominant males - a proud, aggressive macho figure - is about to speak.
Nigel Harris: Hello...
Attenborough: This is a mem- ber of the dominant faction, who con- trol all the student politicians’ activi- ties. Whilst virtually unheard of and ignored by the greater species, they are a huge and domineering presence among the student politicians. To re- inforce the closed nature of their trib- al group, they communicate in an ob- scure language which has baffled all attempts at decipherment. It is called ‘standing orders’. For a dominant sub- species member to talk in ‘standing orders’ is to signal to their inferiors that this is a matter they cannot un- derstand, let alone control. But wait! I think one of the infe- rior creatures is actualluy about to re- ply to the dominant male - to chal- lenge him!
Pei Chi Wong: I want to call quorum.
Attenborough: And, the effect is astounding. The dominant species are cowed. The strange, irrational force of this call has an almost mesmeric effect. Some of the student politicians clearly look relaxed; they’re standing up and, yes, moving towards the near- est fire exit. Others, however, are look- ing with hostility at the upstart spe- cies member. Nobody can say for sure what these rituals mean. But despite their apparent irrelevance to anything else going on anywhere, this dogged breed continues its activities year af- ter year. Some say that it is a way of gaining favour and influence within the species. But if this is all they know how to do, how can they progress to any real-world environment?