The Time Machine

Satire / 10 February 2026

“You voted: we acted”: Strippers to be included in UCL200 celebration cake

Elgin Edison
Elgin Edison
Graphic by Judy Lin

Graphic by Judy Lin

Ahead of UCL’s bicentennial celebrations, the powers that be have asked the UCL community to design the celebratory cake. 

This was done via a Google Form, the QR code to which was plastered all over the eugenics stairs before Christmas. The choices offered a pre-selected offering of flavors (featuring chocolate, “plain”, or coffee and walnut), and gauged dietary requirements as well as the size of the cake itself. 

At the end of the form was a heading labelled “other”, where an overwhelming number of students appeared to have requested for “strippers to burst out of the cake.” 

When asked if this was actually going to happen, a UCL spokesperson said:“This is what the community has voted for, so it must be done at all costs. There’s no turning back and we are absolutely excited.” 

Those interested in a piece of said cake have been assured that it will be handed out in due course.