With UCL200 just around the corner, students and staff can expect to see UCL’s brand new logo roll out across campus before they can even say “holy shit that looks awful” — and we here at The Cheese Grater have all the insider info you could ever need.
I sat down with UCL management and students to discover the real story behind this new logo.
Words from the Provost
As previously mentioned, Michael Spence has revealed that UCL is being forced to close down the PPE department in order to fund this expensive new project.
He told The Cheese Grater, “We all know I love a vanity project, and this is the most important one of all! When choosing a university, the design of the logo is simply essential for new students to consider. Hmm? No, I don’t understand what “career prospects” means. You can’t just make up a load of woke lefty nonsense and then expect me to sit here and understand what you’re talking about.
“Anyway. The decision to close down PPE was an extremely easy one, as I simply forgot it was a department in the first place. Plus, all the students there are extremely irritating anyway.”
As part of UCL’s efforts to promote EDI policies, the beautifully named “mid purple” colour scheme comes from a place of reclamation. For too long now (since the prehistoric days of 2022), the Elizabeth line has reigned. Move over TfL, time for everyone to “Bleed Purple”!
The graphic designer behind it all
Art Designa, the graphic designer behind the new logo, was also able to provide some insight into how this new brand was developed.
“Well”, he says, from his throne surrounded by enormous piles of money, “this new logo was really a labour of love, you get me? For me, it’s all about the vibes and the creative process. Whatever design comes from that is secondary to the meaning behind it, you get me? After I was approached by UCL to create this logo, I bumped my prices up 250% and swiftly got to work. After months of grifting, I am so proud that this design will be all over your beautiful campus, you get me?”
When asked what the actual “creative process” entailed, Designa simply shook his head.
“You just won’t get it, you get me? It’s simply far too complicated for you to understand. Rest assured, though, the enormous piles of money I received will be spent wisely. My next job will be far less lucrative than this one, you get me? I love purple and think Michael Spence is a very good person. You get me?”
Student opinion
The new logo is also being praised for its “brave” statement against Ozempic, the letters being so fat that you almost can’t read it at all. The Cheese Grater spoke to a few students about UCL’s upcoming rebrand.
“I think it’s excellent”, gushed Jeremy, a third-year Maths student, “I mean, Ozempic is simply everywhere at the moment. I especially love how the logo transforms itself into an art piece. I mean, when I don’t wear my glasses, all the letters blend into one purple square. Très chic! I finally see what humanities students mean when they talk about the moving power of art.”
Next, I spoke to Ariana, president of UCL Drama Society, “Why are you in my house? Yes, I love purple. I love the logo. I don’t understand why you are talking to me. Please leave before my guard dog gets you.”
What’s next?
Bicentennial celebrations are set to begin in the new year, with events including the reincarnation of Jeremy Bentham and the demolition of the Student Centre to make way for a giant golden statue of Michael Spence.
