Dear Astrology Haters,

How are you doing? There was recently a new moon in Pisces, which you were unaware of. Did you let go of what has not been serving you? Obviously not, because you still haven’t moved on from your ex (yes, the one that you texted during mercury retrograde). Notice how I know more about you than you know about yourself.

Anyways, stop hating on astrology. You just hate yourself and the fact that you’re the exact stereotype of your sign. I’m sorry that you’re not quirky; you’re just a Capricorn. Even worse, you barely know the characteristics of your sun sign. Find another struggle, please.

Also – I know you have a hard time taking care of yourself, but genuinely please try. The planets are aligned in your favour since none of them are in retrograde till April. Trust me on this.

Love and peace,

A Taurus Moon