I’m sure you have had more than enough exposure to this ragsheet they call Cheesegrater. Time for some proper journalism... the Pie Media way.
You must have seen our fabulous new Pie Zine, unlike you incompetent fools we actually managed to get our issue out in time for Welcome Week. In true UCL fashion, we disagree well, journalism is so much more fun when you don’t need to libel check or argue with the UCL comms team.
We’re so efficient we’ve even automated our social media – we used AI generated content to do a call out for a design team (how genius!) Stay tuned for our brand new initiative: PieAI sponsored by Grok!
At Pie we are at the forefront of innovation, unlike you cavemen at cheesegrater designing your tacky yellow Instagram posts on MS Powerpoint and coding your website from scratch. What a waste of time! Don’t you cheesy pricks have degrees to be getting on with?
We heard you snagged an interview with the Union President, so we decided to do you six times over and interview all the sabbs!
These interviews demonstrate our steadfast commitment to impartial journalism, not a gotcha in sight. Our beloved Sabbs work so hard as it is, so why bother stressing them with even an ounce of criticism?
I’m sure it’s going to be another successful year for Pie Media, we’re going to keep doing what we do best - spreading Reverend Spence’s Holy word and delivering the will of the almighty establishment.