Ahh, university, the time where you will hopefully meet some life long friends… that’s a load of clichéd crap. Here’s the reality of some of the characters you will meet during Freshers Week.
The ‘gap yah girlie’
Loose fitting trousers, a couple of tattoos, a skinny scarf, an enviable tan. The gap yah girlie went to Australiaaah, discovered herself and probably a stomach bug or two on the way.
She’s older, more worldly than those naïve 18 year old freshers who didn’t choose to endure lugging a backpack across South East Asia. Oh, you innocent youths that came straight from sixth form to UCL have no idea what the real world is like. Freshers Flu isn’t half as bad as Delhi Belly.
She’ll show you pictures of the baby elephants she helped rehabilitate in Botswana, and thinks that the Eduroam wifi is a luxury after her global e-sim failed in deepest darkest Peru.
Living in halls should be a breeze for her. But then again, she’s a gap yah girl; she didn’t really slum it in hostels during her backpacking escapades. Marbled flooring and an aesthetic outdoor shower to “connect with nature” is what she’s grown accustomed to.
Don’t feel too bad for her… she has the comfort of linen bedding and a dog called Mungo anticipating her return to the family estate during reading week.
Do you think I’m being harsh? Look, I took a Gap Yah. I can hate on my own kind!
The ‘how TF did you get into UCL’
Look, we’re a top ten uni. We’re above some of the Ivy Leagues in the QS rankings. UCL often takes longer than other universities in the UK to give out UCAS offers.
One would hope that this means that they are doing forensic analysis on each candidate that applies to this esteemed university.
Think again!
Yes, some students at UCL are quite clever. In this era of Linkedin-maxxing, it’s sort of necessary to get at least a 2.1 in your degree. Sorry freshers, this is the world you have signed up for!
Alas, there will be a handful of students that you will meet, and think “how on earth did you pass A Levels!?”. Maybe they would’ve fared better at King’s?
Look, street smarts and book-smart are totally different. The thing is, though they may act dumb in their lectures and probably say something polarising in a seminar that makes you question if they’ve ever read a book in their life, they’ll probably do well in assignments.
It’s really annoying!
The ‘know it all’
Flip side of the latter, this kid smashed their A Levels and surpassed the entry requirements by a long shot, as well as having done the odd essay competition or Olympiad. However, be wary of this student, especially at the pub. You don’t want to be cornered by them in Scala.
They’ll get 70 on a first-year assignment and think they are basically Jezza B. Or even worse, will just try and sound smart despite being humbled by the jump from secondary school to uni.
‘But mummy says I’m smart!!!’ Mummy also encouraged you to go to university in order to get some well deserved restbite. Please give her a break while you’re at university. Before you know it, you will be hit by the inevitable postgrad unemployment scheme and have moved back home.
Mate, for the love of everything good on this earth, get back in your blooming box and shut up. You’re 18, you don’t know anything.
Unless you actually get 100 on a uni assignment, you know diddly squat.
Also you’re a weirdo if you do get 100.
The ‘wait, YOU’RE a fresher?’
Different from the aforementioned gap yah girlie who’s 19/20, you will meet someone who looks like a professor, but has enrolled as a first year undergrad.
Greying, bearded, or both, the geriatric undergrad is a bit of a conundrum; university should be for all, and if you want to return to university having finally discovered what you are truly passionate about, fairs.
But 18 year olds are also babies. Whilst they are figuring out how to use a stove for the first time, you remember the simpler times of gas cookers. I know it’s been a trend to #bringback2016, but that was probably the time this student graduated high school… look out for moustache tattoos on index fingers. That’s a tell-tale sign of this dinosaur.
Youthful freshers, be nice to the older undergrads, they can become good pals.
But, to these older students, be careful about shark allegations. Don’t spend too much time with 18 year olds!
The ‘here for Wednesday night’
A massive part of university culture is Sports Night. Oh, the infamous Wednesday nights where rugger buggers make freshers down piss and hockey players dress up in togas to wander down the streets of King’s Cross.
This kid is only here for the piss ups. No longer need they worry about coming home at ungodly hours to be met by the stern stares of their parents.
Chances are this student went to private or boarding school if they are decently sporty, so are used to the world of soggy biscuits and ring of fire. Initiating into any sports team will be a breeze for them.
Probably does a degree with very few contact hours, they can have as much time as possible to recover from Wednesday’s rager.
They will also have probably attained one of those glorious purple fleeces before you even have your student ID card.
Whether you identify with one of these characters, or are scared to meet such people, these are just some of the few personalities you will meet at this institution. My advice, just don’t be a dick.