This article was written by Teddy Bloggs, who insisted it be published unedited or his father, Tedmund Bloggs, would sue.
Chips. Just like sushi was made by the Japanese and chicken kebabs by the big man in the kebab shop, you can’t deny that chips represent a key part of British culture. Imagine there was no rice in China, right? That’s how I felt when mummy told me that there’s a chip shortage right now. God, when my mate Felicity told me that I wouldn’t be able to understand women not wanting to walk home alone at night because I’m ‘privileged’, I’m not gonna lie, I was a bit pissed. But that was about four months ago when chips weren’t in a shortage. Now I get it. What am I supposed to eat at lads’ rugby night tomorrow? Apparently beer is also made of potatoes, so I don’t want to order too much of that either (and neither should you) because it’ll probably make the chip shortage worse.
Anyway, I just wanted to get it out there that I get the struggle. Also, we shouldn’t use middle-class white men as a scapegoat for the chip shortage. My grandma gets chips all the time, and she’s 77. Are you going to blame her for the chip shortage? Oh and also one of my mates is actually mixed race, so you definitely can’t blame us or it’s racist.
Wait, is the chip shortage just the UK or in the rest of Europe, too? Maybe if I go to Verbier over the winter and summer holidays, there’ll be more chips there that I can get without feeling guilty.
Teddy has kindly informed us that he wrote this piece after seeing and then thinking long and hard about the title of this BBC news article: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-58230388