I believe it was the famous schol- ar Britney Spears who once said “Oops, I did it again.” If you’re reading this, there’s a strong chance that you were blessed with the procrastination gene. And you’ve probably been here before. But for any first-time all-nighters in the audience – fear not. I have been performing the art of the all- nighter for many years, refining my skills to create my favorite sado- masochistic activity of all time.
Thus, I present to you: my top tips on surviving (nay, thriving) during an all-nighter.
4pm: MANIFEST THAT SHIT — I like to repeat ‘You’ve got this’ up to 47 times. To be honest, this doesn’t really work, but it makes me feel like a study-tuber.
4:30pm: Check notes. Highlight notes. The reason? Colours make brain happy.
6pm: Ok, so you might have de- layed this. Whatever. Make a study playlist.
6:37pm: Close laptop and go to Sainsbury’s. Now is the time to pick your poison. Chilled coffee is a great buy. Red Bull is too. Both are even better – especially if you want a heart attack.
8:00pm: Acknowledge how ahead you are. With half a plan and 17 hours to go, you are absolutely SWIMMING in success. You are SO ahead. So SO ahead.
11.30pm: 500 words com- plete. Not ideal. Let the panic flow through you — ride that wave. You are the surfer. You control that wave. Surf to your destiny. Cowabunga et al.
3.00am: Remember that chapter you deleted at midnight because it was mediocre? It’s time to throw that one back in.
3:01am……………………… ………………………………… ………………………….
3:45am: YouTube Gangnam Style. Listen for 30 mins. Reminisce on when life was good and you weren’t such a piece of shit.
4;;;56aM: Jerk awake when you hear your cool flatmate getting home.
7am: Don’t vomit when u hear birds tweeting. …///////////////////////////////// ////////////////////////////oHGODI- VEONLYGOTANHOUR
11:57am: Proudly hit submit. Instagram your success. Reclaim Catholicism and pray for a mira- cle. Consider attending confession. The shaking. When will the dreaded shaking stop?
Promise to never repeat this. Re- peat vigorously through uni.