Oh, jolly Christmas dinner. It is fi- nally a chance to catch up with your aunts, uncles, second cousins and their dogs.
Unfortunately, politics and the news are common conversation topics that spark unwanted confrontation between the young and old. In light of the most recent events, I have compiled a list of unproblematic talking points and things to keep in mind during the be- loved Christmas dinner, guaranteed to pacify the honoured guests.
• New Year’s resolutions, such as eat- ing healthier. Although, you may be at risk of Aunt Helen’s inappro- priate remarks about your body. Some safer options include journ- aling or memorising words from an owl-based language app.
• Cheesecake recipes. Things could go south if you mention veganism, and Nan will proudly declare that “cows have to be milked!”.
• John Mulaney. Prepare for an unbecoming but otherwise harmless impersonation by Un- cle Richard.
• A country you have visited re- cently. Oh, wait –
• Puffins. The way they adopt the mannerisms of other animal groups is just adorable. Try to hinder Uncle Barry’s connection between puffins and immigrant assimilation.
• Your workout regimen: no one cares, but at least there’s no arguing!
• Interesting books. Consid- eration of Shakespeare’s works must avoid mentions of homo- erotic imagery or Auntie Liz will go mad.
• Your favourite movie with Hugh Grant.
• Your favourite movie with Colin Firth.
• Love Actually.
• Scented candles.
With all this being said, happy holi- days and don’t forget to give a little love this Christmas*!
*Does not apply to Uncle Richard, thanks very much, creep.