Professor Michael Arthur, UCL’s provost of 7 years, is set to retire at the end of 2020. What a wild ride it has been. Although no one knows who he is (yes, literally. 0% of UCL students know who Michael Arthur is.), The Cheese Grater has put together a list of his accomplishments as we bid Michael adieu.
• Michael has increased the num- ber of students at UCL from 40,000 to around 48,000. Are there enough study spaces for them? No. Are the students ad- equately supported? Also no. Are big numbers fun? Michael says yes!
• Speaking of study spaces, Mi- chael Arthur gave us the new Student Centre, with 1000 new study spaces. This will definitely be enough to accommodate the extra 4.5k students at UCL in 2020, because 1000 is the same number as 4500.
• Under Michael’s leadership, UCL’s figurehead, Jeremy Bentham, was moved from a wooden and glass box into a 100% glass box, forcing him into his own Panopticon. Now we get to gaze at Jeremy’s stuffed body while his ghost weeps at the fact that his ‘greatest hap- piness for the greatest number’ philosophy does not form any part of UCL’s Ethos.
• As we know, Mikey loves big numbers. This was reflected wonderfully in the £512mil- lion+ investment into UCL East under his leadership. What is UCL East, you ask? No one knows. Not even Michael knows. Money well spent.
• In his last job as provost at Leeds University, Michael lost a vote of no confidence. He hasn’t lost one at UCL yet, but in 2019, in a poll of 724 UCL staff, only 100 expressed confidence in Michael’s leadership. That’s a 13.8% approval rating. It’s a shame that the numbers weren’t so large this time.
We’re sad to see Professor Arthur go. Wait, he’s still here? Never mind - it’s just a new, forgettable Michael.