It’s been a long road to get here, but let’s take a look back across the many winners & losers from the last 3 years.
Ken Clarke (LOSER)
For much of his career Ken was a lonely soul, what with him being the only likeable Tory MP and all. More recently father Ken has been making friends, and recklessly roaming around the commons and infecting some 20 other MPs with a career-ending illness known as ‘having a spine’. His service to parliament was kindly repaid with his firing. Happy retirement Ken, you glorious old bastard.
All MEPs (LOSER)
In a stroke of real sad-sackery, MEPs sang a tearful Auld Lang Syne yesterday as they voted through the withdrawal agreement, in what resembled a less di- verse remake of ‘I’d Like To Teach The World To Sing’. I think we can all agree that only LOSERS would be moved to tears at such a lame occurrence as this. Amirite guys? Haha, LAME! Yeah, I cried too, whatever, move on.
Brexit Party (LOSER)
What could be more losery than singing Auld Lang Syne and bursting into tears on your last day of work? Bri-tian’s most-popular teal arrow wielders had the answer - getting homophobic, human-rotting-potato Anne Widde- combe to defiantly wave a Union Jack whilst trying to pull a smug face that made it look like she’d just shat herself.
Nigel Farage (LOSER)
After years of trying, Mr ‘Easy Win in South Thanet’ has finally done him- self out of a job. In doing so he’s also done himself out of a wife, which it would be cruel to joke about... if in do- ing so he hadn’t also done himself out of German citizenship. Hahahahahaha, you’re stuck here with the rest of us, you prick.
The PM (LOSER)
Captain High Attention Span and former- OH LOOK A BUS. Boris Johnson has done himself proud, sell- ing off everything he ever believed in (not a lot) for political gain. He has power! The problem now for Britain’s Best-loved Bicycle Bastard is that he has to actually do something with it, and he’s got absolutely no idea- OH LOOK SOME BOOBIES.
So, those were the winners and losers of this 3 year long mess. What’s that? They were all losers? Yeah. We’re all los- ers. That’s the fucking point.