The Cheese Grater can officially confirm that President-elect Don- ald Trump’s domestic reforms are well underway, as he begins the process of turning the White House into a spa resort and casino.
The President-elect has also laid out his economic plan for the country, stating that the “White Resort” will finally provide the USA with the chance to achieve a budget surplus by beating the Chinese at poker and winning back the $1.25 trillion worth of debt.
Trump has kept his promises on immigration and security reforms, and has come up with a fool-proof plan to keep Muslims out of the country. Border Control will use hyper-sensitive screening tech- niques to keep out Islamic migrants, such as asking them if they are in fact Muslim, measuring the length of their beard, and checking their bags for any copies of “Al Qaeda Quarterly”. The President- elect’s progress with the building of a wall on the Mexican border has been encouraging – in fact Mexican workers have started build- ing the wall themselves in order to keep Trump supporters out of Mexico.
Lastly, Trump has also revealed his radical plans for healthcare, which largely consist of keeping Obamacare, but renaming it Make- America-Great-Again-Care. The new nurses will all be Miss Uni- verse runners-up, and breast implant surgery will be free under the new system.
¡Dios mio!