To the Matthew Horne (from Horne and Corden, my favour- ite show!) lookalike on the Victoria Line at 11.47am. I saw you walk in at Euston and couldn’t keep my eyes off you all the way to Brixton. I had to get back on the one going north- bound because I was meant to get off at Oxford Circus. The fact that you were nonchalantly using the Tube during the daytime suggests you’re not employed; that’s fine, me neither! Cheeky shag?
Kate, 26, Harrow
To the Asian (my guess is Chinese, but there might be a hint of Thai in there) girl reading something foreign on her phablet on the Jubilee Line – konnichiwa! You look as cute as a geisha yet as mysterious as the Panchen Lama. I’ve had a thing for Orientals since I saw Miss Saigon as a child, and you’re hot- ter than an Indian Summer. When you reached into your bag to grab a sarnie, I saw a pack of tampons. Let’s just say that my dragon awoke and is raring to go. Romantic trip to Hong Kong Buffet?
Steven, 31, Croydon