Well you can’t. But if you use the form below, you could copy our inimitable style. As we all know, ‘fracking’ sounds a lot like ‘fuck- ing’, and so has formed the basis of many very witty puns. Fill in the section below with FRACKING or FUCKING, cut it out, and send it to THE CHEESE GRATER , c/o Oscar Webb, University of Lon- don Union, Malet Street, London, WC1E 7HY. First 25 submissions will receive a mystery prize!
STUDENTS ____________ IN THE LIBRARY?
Earlier this week, a group of students were caught in the DM Watson Science Library, do- ing what comes comes naturally to students: ______________. ______________, which has been all over the news recently, is a highly controversial pro- cess where one party uses hi-tech ______________ equipment to delve beneath ______________. Once there, fluids (typical- ly ______________) are let loose at high pressures, caus- ing the ______________ to ______________ and release nat- ural reser ves of ______________, which can then be extracted with _______________ before being ______________ into ______________, and sold on the international market for large prof- its.
The students were found by Phil Hearton, a security guard, who was shocked to discover the illicit ______________ being carried out in the UCL library. He told The Cheese Grater that he “was just doing the rounds late at night, then I heard this aw- ful racket coming from round the corner, lots of ______________ and ______________.” When he saw what was happening , he was “appalled” to be confronted with “one bloke, who was holding his ______________, then this wom- an was on the floor with a massive ______________. It was horrif y- ing to think they’d do that in a li- brary.”
The group of students, who can- not be named for legal reasons, are being charged on several grounds, including “______________ and ______________”, “un- authorised ______________ of ______________ in a ______________”, as well as “breach of the _____________”. They were also issued with a £20 library fine. Earlier today, they released a statement in which they explained that their actions were “youthful antics”... “natural for any scientifically-inclined student with an interest in ______________”, and that they were “from the bot- tom of our hearts, incredibly hot and gassy”.