I grew up in the tiny village of Chudd, Gloucestershire and when I arrived in Lon- don as a fresher two years ago I was over- whelmed by the sheer amount of possible sights to see. I was so overwhelmed that 1 resolved to see nothing and keep my eyes firmly closed. This turned out to be as im- practical as it was unsettling to others and I decided instead that I would see every- thing. Let me share the great places I have discovered.
Close
Central London, easily reachable from UCL by paying a little man with a rickshaw to cycle you there, is where most mainstream attractions can be found. Firstly, you've got your galle- rics: the Royal Academy (paintings), National Portrait Gallery (pain- tings of heads) and Madame Tussauds (sculpture). You've also got your museums: the jolly Science Muse- um has creepy crawlies and lasers, the disappointing British Museum just has a general array of bits and bobs and the excellent London Sea Life makes a feature of its fish. I've spent many a Sunday in Sea Life enigmatically stroking the rays whilst reading Goethe pointedly, but no-one has asked me out yet. Not even the lady who mucks out the tank.
Further away
You've got to go cast in order to find the groovy, happening heart of London. Yes, I refer to an area inhabited by media agen- cies and the cutting edge of young british artists: Beckton. Easily reachable from UCL by taking the Victoria line from Euston to Green Park, then the Jubilee line to Canning Town, then the DLR to Beckton Station, Beckton is an area pervaded by the East London sense of knowing self- mockery. It has a pop-up Tesco Express, an undoubtedly City-backed Mr Burger Mr Pizza Kebab and an ironically oppressive sewage treatment works. The plant symbolically works as a big ‘piss off” to the entrenched values of middle class West London and functionally works to convert human waste into disposable effluent.
Too far away
Alton Towers, Des Moines, Valencia, Balmoral, Bermuda, Cork, Djibouti, most B & Qs, Winnipeg and Chad are not easily reachable from UCL. They're too far away. Don't bother.