Margaret Thatcher Milkshake
• 16 pints of good quality British school milk
• 32 egg yolks
• ½lb caster sugar
• Two pints of thick double cream
• Two large tubs of soft-scoop ice-cream
• ½lb of Falklands reared lamb shank
Method:
1. Roll up your sleeves and get stuck in with a firm whisk.
2. If your wrist should tire, stop being so feeble and limp-wristed.
3. Privatise the railways.
4. Serve in a black Asprey handbag.
A Cocktail - The Hunter S. Thompson
• A quart of paint
• A quart of unicorn blood
• France
• The self-esteem of a girl too young to properly handle live firearms
• Three leaves from a Jabberwock tree
Method:
1. Drink it all down and make sure someone has your bail money.
Sylvia Platter
• A handful of antidepressants
• Half a dozen wet towels
Method:
1. Pre-heat the oven to Gas Mark 5.
2. Get into the oven.
Kim Jong-Filberts
The filbert is the cherished nephew of the hazelnut that grows in the majestic boun- ty of North Korea. One day when the sun was round and hot, the wise and glori- ous Kim Jong-Il invented the filbert with only a copy of ‘Hard Day’s Night’ by The Beatles on Betamax and a small quantity of string in his pockets. The great land of North Korea was thenceforth blessed with plentiful filberts, and the people ate until they were round and soft like Amer- icans. Kim Jong-Il then decreed that the filbert will contain all of your five-a-day.
One filbert
Method:
1. Eat the filbert.
John Major’s Cheese on Toast
• Two slices of bread, toasted
• 3 large slices of mild cheddar cheese
• Some butter
Method:
1.
2. Put some butter on the toast.
3. Put the cheese on the buttered toast.
4. Warm the cheese on buttered toast until molten.
5. Serve with a glass of room temperature tap water.
Salmon Rushdie
• One salmon
Method:
1. Catch the salmon.
2. Cut off the live salmon’s fins and tail, then behead it.
3. Throw stones at the fish for 15-20 minutes.
4. Plunge the salmon into hellfire for that charred on the outside, juicy on the inside effect.
5. Serve with an Ayatollah Salad (a Caesar without the sense of humour); don’t eat too often, as you’ll get fatwa.