The Anglican Church announced the sacking of the Easter Bunny yesterday, after the latest in a series of bizarre interviews, in which he vio- lently attacked the producer of the hit long-running Drama, Two and a Half Days (and Another Half to Resurrect).
In this sensational inter- view, the Easter Bunny said, ‘This Jesus guy, he is a complete charlatan. I’ve spent the past 500 years turning his tin cans into pure gold. He’s a com- plete clown, I can barely put up with his crap for much longer. ‘
The Easter Bunny’s life has taken several hard knocks owing this string of hare- raising confessions, all linked to his excessive drug use. Af- ter bizarre interviews where he confessed to ‘banging out 7 gram carrots’ and claim- ing he is currently ‘on a drug [which is] called the Easter Bunny’, concerns have been ex- pressed over his mental health.
When asked whether he might be suffering from the degenerative disease Myxoma- tosis, the erratic rabbit replied only, ‘I’m myxoma-winning’.
Fellow celebrity rodents such as Bugs Bunny and broth- ers Peter and Roger Rabbit have reached out to him, offering advice after their own terrible vegetable addictions. It would appear that he is unaffected by such appeals however, pre- ferring to remain in his war- ren all day with Jessica Rabbit and the Playboy Bunny, both of whom he is currently dating.
The rampant rabbit is ap- parently unfazed by his sacking. ‘This is very good news,’ he said. ‘They continue to be in breach, like so many fish. It is a big day of gladness at the Sober Valley Warren because now I can take all of their chocolate, I never have to look at Beardy again, and I never have to hand eggs to toothless, armless children.
After all the scandal sur- rounding the Easter Bunny’s be- haviour, his publicist resigned, claiming, ‘Much as I love the Easter Bunny and all, after this much sugar, I don’t think I could be anyone’s publicist.’ He is now rumoured to be in a dia- betic coma at his home in LA.