It was revealed today that UCL has officially approached King’s College London to annex their Waterloo campus, citing the strategic importance of the location.
Provost Michael Spence, donning an oddly large amount of fake tan, claimed, “the people of KCL Waterloo campus do not want to be part of KCL, we will take it over – one way or another.”
In response, LSE, Imperial, SOAS, and QMUL released a statement saying, “the actions of UCL are threatening KCL’s territorial sovereignty, Waterloo Campus is not up for sale.”
It is rumoured that the UCL Officer Training Corps have since been mobilised (they have been forced to stop drinking alcohol), and plans have been drawn up to take the campus by force.
When asked what they thought about the potential annexation by UCL, a student at the Waterloo campus said: “to be honest I would’ve been on board with it because, you know, KCL is a shithole. But then I saw the god awful new logo, and I went, “fuck that”. Not even the prospect of no longer being a KCL student could convince me to be a student of a university with THAT logo.”
It is rumoured that Spence also considered monetary incentives, but all funds have been spent on UCL200.
