Howdy y’all. If you’re anything like me, then you’re an American who’s just found yourself across the pond in a new country where we’re few and far between. I know adjusting to British culture can be daunting, so I’ve taken it upon myself to compile a guide that can help YOU survive your time here in London. So, polish your cowboy boots and dust off your cowboy hat because I’m about to take you “hand in hand through their parklife”(…Kind of).
Flip everything you ever thought about life
One thing I’ve noticed during my time in London is that everything seems to be the complete opposite of my life back in Texas. An hour’s drive in the UK is considered a multi-city roadtrip, while in the US, you may have, possibly, potentially, maybe reached the outskirts of Houston (unlikely). The North/South divide here is seen as North: working class and South: posh snobs, but in the US, it’s flipped. The Northerners are seen as elitist tax evaders while the South are seen as the yee-haw country bumpkins that ride horses to school and listen exclusively to Morgan Wallen and Charley Crockett.
Additionally, a french fry is a chip. A chip is a crisp. And there are, like, three different names for a cookie. Sometimes, a cookie is just a cookie, but depending on its composition it might be a biscuit. And if it’s different, it might be called a digestive(?). But an American biscuit is actually a scone here? All in all, there’s too many names to keep track of, and when my British friends try to explain this stuff to me, I find it usually goes in one ear and out the other. Also, apparently the Business majors here are Econ rejects? Don’t tell that to a McCombs student at UT Austin, you’d never hear the end of it and their massive ego. I should know, my sister is one.
They drive on the wrong side of the road, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Hey, so we’re actually not the weird ones in this situation! (shocking, I know). Practically every other country in the world drives on the right side of the road (both literally and figuratively),so, this time it’s a weird Brit thing (I mean, we did invent the car so naturally other countries would follow our rules of the road. Not the UK, though, they wanted to be different and ‘not like other countries’). At least there’s little reminders painted on the street to tell us which way to look before we cross. Honestly, it’s the least they can do…
It’s soccer, not football.
If you’re ever in London, and you see a bunch of men kicking a ball on the grass into a net, just know that there’s technically two names for it: soccer and football. Here in London, the locals like to call it soccer, not football. It actually comes from the word asSOC[CER]iation football! A little birdie told me that it’s pretty big here and that they have a few teams that play in the city. I think they’re called Arsenal, Chelsea, and Tottenham. Oh, and the BESTEST team in the history of London soccer is actually called Crystal Palace. But, yes, it is absolutely imperative that whatever you do, you must call that ball foot game soccer, not football. You totally won’t get jumped in the street if you call it soccer, but you will if you call it football. Trust me, I wouldn’t lie to you.
Regional accents galore
You know what’s really funny about the UK? The fact that this country is so much smaller than the US but seems to have so many more regional accents. I mean, you’ve practically got a different accent for each city. That’s a lot to keep up with, so I usually memorize a few by the SOCCER player I most associate that accent with. So far, I’ve got the Jude Bellingham accent (West Midlands), the Jamie Carragher (Scouse), and the Harry Kane (cockney? Gibberish?). Here in the US, we have the midwest accent, the valley girl accent, southern, and maybe a Boston/New Yorker accent, but they’re not as common, and only really come out when you say a specific word (like y’all).
WE’RE LEGAL: They hate to see Wisconsin coming
One big shift to living in London (and the UK in general) is that most of us are eighteen years or older which means WE’RE LEGAL! No more buying fake ID’s off the random guy in high school, your real ID works just fine. That also means learning how to handle your alcohol, unless you’re from Wisconsin, then you probably have a LOT of experience with drinking. I mean, that is why the state of Wisconsin is banned from international drinking competitions (totally not fake news).
They have no ranch (I know, poor souls)
Apparently, the UK lacks one of the best condiments in the world — ranch. When I’m missing my homeland and craving chicken tenders, there’s no ranch to go with it. Disappointing, I know. What’s even sadder is when my British friends ask me what ranch is, and I realize two terrifying truths at once. One, that my British friends have never experienced the great godliness that is ranch (no wonder their food is so bland). And two, that I have been away from ranch for so long, that I’ve forgotten how to describe ranch to people.
Come to terms with the fact that you’re probably gonna miss US holidays (no more mutton bustin for me)
While writing this, I realized that term 2 ends FOUR DAYS after the Houston Rodeo ends (fml). If you’re an American who celebrates very American holidays, you should probably accept sooner rather than later the fact that you will not be home for those holidays, and instead have to live the holiday through pictures your family sends you with you not in them. Not only am I missing out on the Houston Rodeo and its overpriced carnival games, fried oreos, giant turkey legs, and watching little kids riding a running sheep until they fall off, I’m also missing out on Thanksgiving and its turducken, ham, yam marshmallow casserole, and pecan pie with vanilla bean ice cream.
Honestly, adjusting from the US to the UK hasn’t been all too weird. I think the weirdest part for me is the fact that Chinese students assume I speak Chinese, talk to me in fluent Mandarin, and then I have to awkwardly tell them in very broken and incomprehensible Mandarin that I don’t speak the language and am, in fact, an ABC (shameful). Yeah, that’s the most awkward part of going to UCL. That and the lack of Bucee’s, Whataburger, and AC. Hopefully this guide was helpful, if it wasn’t, womp womp. If you come home to your parents during Winter Break saying wa-uh, naurr, and Chewsday, then you’ve succeeded in transitioning from American to Brit. If you didn’t, then I don’t know what to tell you. You might be broken.
