UCL students are taking it to the next level of voyeurism, with many spending the night with a little man trapped in a glass case.
Since its grand opening in 2019, the Student Centre has seen flocks of midnight brainrotters risking their lives to stay awake. Some of Britain’s brightest students are kept alive only by an IV drip of caffeine and Monster energy drinks.
For students who pay very expensive tuition, they sure are willing to shorten their degrees and brag about it. “Yeah, self-destruction is cool”, says a fresh PPE graduate who’d rather not be named. “[A friend] would always come [to the study session] with a bottle of wine because that made essays more tolerable, even if you can’t spell Nietzsche correctly.”
What started as a part of Gen Z’s absurd comparison humour has turned into a race for the shortest time spent on earth. It doesn’t help that campuses are getting better at designing 24/7 buildings — most of them come sponsored by energy drink brands, stocked with cheap carbs nearby, and of course, endless ways to procrastinate. Every true UCL student has the Student Centre as a saved location on Uber Eats.
“Gotta die young,” said a Slade student found playing with Microsoft Paint on a mezzanine PC. “You know, there’s a cool parallel between Jeremy Bentham and me. Good old Jeremy spends his death in a glass case on a floor stuck between two floors, like the limbic purgatory of studying a degree that’ll never get me employed.”
Jeremy declined to comment.
This article appeared in CG93
