Cheese Grater Satire Writer Insists He Is OK

Nick Miao

The Cheese Grater writer responsible for our previous article titled Heartbreaking: The Voices In Your Head Just Made A Really Good Point would like to issue a statement, of his own volition and free will, to clarify that he is OK.

The writer responsible thanks readers for their well-intentioned messages of concern but would like to clarify, despite how realistic and close to home the article must have seemed, that he is in fact doing OK.

In an interview, the responsible staffer – of sound mind and judgement, without duress or coercion from the editorial team – told us that he is ‘doing OK’ and that ‘nobody in the history of being OK has been more OK than the level of being OK I am currently being OK at’. He adds, ‘This is not a call for help and I can confirm for the record that no remedial action is required from The Cheese Grater’s Welfare Officer, UCL Student Support and Wellbeing, or other relevant support services.’

The Cheese Grater hopes that this resolves any and all concerns about the wellbeing of our satire writers. The editorial team strenuously deny allegations that our writers are in fact deeply troubled and are turning their personal trauma into nuggets of comedy gold; on the contrary, we can confirm that they are all doing OK.

The Welfare Officer at The Cheese Grater Magazine has declined to comment.