1. Students are stupid and Postgraduate Teaching Assistant Secrets (PGTAs) do everything we can to make you feel inferior to us.
2. PGTAs hold a secret meeting in Senate House before every term to decide on measures to destroy your confidence and self-worth.
3. We DO laugh at you behind your back.
4. We expect you to exceed our insanely high demands, but we will be forever bitter if you manage to do so.
5. We can see your One Direction poster and it is embarrassing. Also, it’s too late to blur your zoom background.
6. The provost works for us.
7. We are ANONYMOUS.
8. Only PGTAs know where and how eels reproduce.
10. Only PGTAs can read number 9.