Michael Arthur will be stepping down as Provost at the end of September 2020, and the search is on for his successor. The Cheese Grater reviews the candidates.

Michael Arrr-thur

Strengths: plundering experience (valuable fundraising skills)
Weaknesses: has scurvy

Lil Provost

Strengths: 250,000 followers on Soundcloud
Weaknesses: literally everything else

Arthur Michael (1853–1942)

Strengths: American organic chemist best known for the Michael reaction.
Weaknesses: dead

Jeremy Bentham’s head

Strengths: crowd favourite
Weaknesses: poor track record of resolving industrial disputes

That egg off Instagram

Strengths: didn’t lose a no-confidence vote while Vice-Chancellor of Leeds University
Weaknesses: too famous

The rat from the refectory

Strengths: sneaky
Weaknesses: vector for disease

Morchel Orthur

Strengths: four arms
Weaknesses: likes outsourcing

Machael Athoor

Strengths: unknown
Weaknesses: unknown

Arthur (the aardvark)

Strengths: wants to learn to work and play and get along with each other (hey)
Weaknesses: fictional boy aardvark


This appeared in CG 66.
Featured image: Bethany Khan via Creative Commons License CC BY-ND 2.0.