The Tab Caves To Student Pressure

The Tab London has followed the wishes of students announcing on Twitter today that “by popular demand it will now be merely a fortnightly list of who’s fucked who, for how long and in what way.”

Democracy & Communications Officer, Hamza Jamshaid says “I’m appalled by this news. The masses should never get what they want. It’s things like this that prove people are idiots and democracy is critically flawed by putting faith in them. I will do everything in my power as sabbatical officer to enact sweeping agrarian reforms across the British Isles, and fight ISIS with our divestment scheme. Also tax the rich.”

Speaking in favour of this move was Gower Place Practice, who released a statement that “The news has shamed everyone associated with the university.

“However, this slip in journalistic integrity from poor to dreadful will provide the ability to track STD’s through the student community. Preliminary reports suggest many students have already had Chlamydia.”

3rd Year Chlamydia Meadows could not be reached for comment.

Paddy Faker

This article was published in CG Issue 59.