It is with a heavy heart that Soc Bitch must announce that RUMS Sports Teams are at it again.

For the past several years, any innocent bystanders at a RUMS Sports Nite (Wednesdays in Mully’s, for the brave-hearted) will have been treated to the image of dozens of future doctors drinking pitcher upon pitcher of Snakebite, before vomiting into cavernous black buckets.

These buckets, once emptied into and around the toilets, are returned to the bar for the whole stinking cycle to begin again. It’s a well-established tradition at the Union bars – as classic as cheap pints and lax security.

But as Nobel-prize winner Robert Allen Zimmerman famously wrote: “The times, they are a-changing”: the sick buckets have been banned by the Union in a move that’s irritated bar staff, management, and RUMS medics alike.

Allegedly to discourage excess drinking, Union bigwigs have confiscated the buckets and demanded that if the medics need to be sick, they do it in the urinals like any normal human.

Never ones to shy from a challenge, however, the doctors have decided that they’d rather throw up anywhere other than the toilets: bar staff report seeing them throwing up in pitchers, pint glasses, and even plastic bags that are then left under chairs for a lucky cleaner to find in the morning.

Medics have defended their vomming, bravely claiming that Mully’s is “our safe space to act like dicks”, but bar staff aren’t convinced.

Quote one member of staff: “All I want is to get through one night without slipping on a bag of purple sick.” Happy holidays, everybody.


This article was published in CG Issue 59.