UCL the Musical, the musical about UCL (shocker) being made as part of the UCL200 celebrations kicks off this term, so we made a list of people who should be considered for the cast.
Number 1: Benjamin Netanyahu
Bibi embodies everything good and right about the world, and would be a perfect fit to be the main protagonist. As an extra-bonus, he already sings. Big Yahu’s deep, soothing voice is sure to unite the student body in a time of war, violence, and political instability. Just make sure to keep him away from UC Hospital.
Number 2: Chief Keef
Keith Farelle Cozart, more commonly known as Chief Keef, is known for hit songs such as Love Sosa, Hate Bein’ Sober, Faneto, and I Don’t Like. The legendary O Block rapper is a perfect fit for the musical; if you think about it, Chicago gang warfare is the original ‘Disagreeing Well’.
Number 3: Will Still
Will Still has led Reims to a 19-game unbeaten run in all competitions. At 30 years old, he’s the youngest manager in Europe’s top five leagues
Reims pay a £22,000 fine each time Still manages because he doesn’t have his UEFA Pro license What an incredible story.
Number 4: Jeremy Bentham
Something something Jezza B hahahaha le funni Jeremy Bentham Michael Spence are gay haha get it bet you’ve never heard that before hahahaha. Your mum.
Number 5: Deji Olatunji
Nobody represents UCL’s inquisitive, scholarly spirit like Deji. One of the cultural hegemons of our time, Deji is a proven entertainer with an impressive musical and videographic catalogue including ‘Try not to laugh challenge with my new girlfriend’, ‘Would you rather with my bro’, ‘Slavery FIFA: the rematch’, and ‘Sidemen diss track’.
Number 6: Coldplay
Did you know that Coldplay were formed at UCL? Did you know that Coldplay were formed at UCL? Did you know that Coldplay were formed at UCL? Did you know that Coldplay were formed at UCL? Did you know that Coldplay were formed at UCL? Did you know that Coldplay were formed at UCL?
Number 7: A UCL Student
Now, hear me out here. I know that in the past UCL brought in a Swiss band to perform at the Bicentennial Ball despite there being a perfect fucking band at UCL, but maybe a production celebrating the achievement of UCL students for the past 200 years should star UCL students.