![Two birds, one stone. Graphic by Kotryna Taujanskaite [Graphics Editor].](https://images.cheesegratermagazine.org/article_images/2026-06-14-su-to-open-institute-bar-and-abortion-clinic-in-bid-to-revitalise-bars/main_image.webp)
Recently, The Cheese Grater reported that the SU’s bars are struggling to stay afloat. In the wake of rising costs and students increasingly turning to alternative bars in the Bloomsbury area, UCL’s bars have been forced to resort to desperate measures.
The IOE’s beloved bar is the first of the SU’s bars to be met with these unprecedented changes.
Regulars were shocked to find that their favourite bar had been transformed overnight, with the outdoor seating area now being the only part of the bar left standing. Inside, the pool tables and bar stools have been replaced with a bespoke clinic and waiting room, complete with copies of Pi Media to serve as terrible waiting room literature.
When questioned about the decision, a UCL representative said:
“We are delighted to welcome the transformation of our beloved IOE bar into an abortion clinic, as it provides a much needed service right here on campus. We are extremely committed to student satisfaction, and we know this will certainly boost our ratings in the League table. Hull has a Wetherspoons on campus, but I think this is far, far better.”
Patients at the Clinic can be expected to receive a voucher after the procedure, valid for one Institute Pizza and one soft drink of their choice. Punters at the pub will receive no discount on any services required from the clinic.
This article appeared in CG98.