An Australian international student has been holding out hope that she can still romanticise walking around Covent Garden in a slim trench coat with a ripoff Notting Hill shopping bag tote
Fortunately, the NHS’s premature diagnosis turned out to be merely hasty. A nurse explained privately that "this girl just needs to get her fucking head out of period dramas."
Having left gorgeous summer days Down Under, she admitted today in tears that she did not get enough shrimp on the barbie to mentally prepare for the dog shit storm which has been terrorising the Welsh for the last week.
To make matters worse, the UCL Main Wuad still looks like it was struck by an atomic bomb over the festive season and left in the hands of an enthusiastic, but amateur, PR crew.
"I thought it was gauring to be done by 2026," she blubbered. "Fuck naur, what am I going to post now?"
This phenomenon saw an early development last April, as some bloke took to the diagonal rain after getting a shameful score on the Moodle quiz he thought he did not need to DAP.
The Cheese Grater journalist found him drenched in a hot topic T-shirt and ripped jeans, sitting on the stairs outside 25 Gordon square and waiting for the Second Coming of Christ. When prompted, he took a bite from a Tesco Meal Deal sandwich.
"My degree doesn’t matter," he said wistfully (with his mouth full), "It’s who I am inside that counts."
More to come.