Speaking from the Mediterranean sea bed yesterday, the luxury cruise ship Costa Concordia announced that it has full confidence in its captain Francesco Schettino.
“Schettino has the best interests of the ship, its passengers and crew at heart,” the ship claimed. “It is clear that his new job as a physical comedian touring with the Chuckle Brothers will not distract him from his core role of driving the ship onto rocks and sinking it.”
A number of fish, clams and other aquatic life forms have cried foul following the vote, administered by the Maritime and Coastguard Agency. “I’m sick of this ship being dominated by stupid public school seahorses wearing scarves,” said one particularly bellicose crab.
One starfish, suckered to the wall of the engine room, described the ‘Yes Captain’ campaign as “shit wet fish”. “Schettino made the Costa famous,” said a chubby prawn.
Schettino is yet to comment, believed to be too busy rehearsing for ‘Oops I Fell Into the Lifeboat’ at the Bridlington Playhouse.