The Union holds a minute’s silence today in memory of the once great plans of our Lord and Leader, Malcolm Grant, for the ULU building. Toothless lickspittles at the University of London displayed their Tsarist sympathies once again by granting ULU a five-year lease. Below we outline our own great Five Year Plan that would have seen Malet Street transformed into the physical manifestation of the final outworking of the dialectic.
-The first phase of our plan is to seize the means of production on Malet Street. The Duck And Dive will be ours and all who reside within will be subject to immediate dekulakisation. The swimming pool and gym will be utilised in fashioning the chiselled physiques of the new men of the Revolution.
-The second phase will be the annexation of Senate House Library. All counter-revolutionary literature shall be purged in what shall be known henceforth as the Great Barbecue on Malet Street. All traces of the University of London will be resigned to the previous historical epoch.
-Phase three, the greatest and most ambitious phase, will be the liberation of the British Museum. This hive of bourgeois intellectualism has polluted the minds of the people for far too long. The Empires of old shall fall along with the capitalist jam jar that encases them. Thus UCL shall rule Malet Street bringing an end to the poisonous hegemony of the University of London and ushering in a new dawn that shall be henceforth known as the dawn of the Moustache.